“There is no statute of limitations on starting over. Re-invent yourself every day. Be the girl who walks barefoot and listens to the blues. Tomorrow wear a trench coat and speak fierce truths. Be a Phoenix. Be Ashes. Burn Down. Resurrect. Let go of the idea that you must always be who you have always been.”

If found that on Facebook yesterday. It was not credited to anyone except Instagram so I can’t tell you who wrote it, but thank you to the author because it reminded me of something I used to know.

When I was a kid, I was shy and didn’t make friends well. To add a bit of complication, my parents moved often and the school I was in wasn’t always the one I would leave at the end of the year. I discovered the art of reinvention then. I tried out very shy. That didn’t work. I tried out a little shy with some cute, better but not me. I tried out outgoing, that took a lot of energy and I thought about trying out cool. I knew better though because, cool is less me than outgoing. Every school I would try a new me and every school I would find a bit that fit and some that didn’t. I realized early on that when you try on a new self, put on the trench coat and be fierce in your truths, you can’t just pull that transformation out of thin air. It needs to be in you somewhere . That is true for me, maybe not for you.

As a grownup I tried on many different jobs and the persona needed to complete them. It was fun. I became Wife/Mother, adding to sister and daughter. I took a stint at student, sales, horse boarder, dog groomer, nonprofit fundraiser, cook, bus driver, farmer and too many more to mention. Each of these reinventions exercised a part of me. I loved it.

Lately I have found myself in the grips of a new transition. This one, instead of happening seamlessly, is giving me some grief. It won’t stand up and be identified. It is laying low, waiting for me to bring my wealth of experience to bear, to say what I want. Sheesh! Is it too much to ask for it all to be apparent?  I am now over 60, I want to know what is next. Why do I need to pussy foot around playing 20 questions with my sub conscious needs?

After struggling for months, I have decided to give up the fight. Sit, meditation, read, write, walk the dog, but not make any concrete decisions. So far I seem to be at an impasse with my greater self. On the other hand, recently I had an intuitive session with my friend and coach Sue Bowe and it turns out, my child self, the Vicki who tried on all of those personalities in the past, my courageous, shy, withdrawn warrior of a self, is on the journey with me. She wants hugs, and smiles, picnics and songs. We pieced our fingers to become blood sisters once again and spit to seal the pact. Don’t wait up for us, we will be in after dark…

So hopefully, between us, we will conquer the fears, re-invent the girl and transform into the elder I am growing into. Keep posted.